Britney Break The Ice

Las Vegas puts on some of the biggest shows on the planet, which provide a welcome break between dinner and the mayhem that follows. Just about every casino presents a Cirque du Soleil show because it appears French Canadian theatrics in the desert are as natural a mix as gin and tonic. Dressed in the loudest garb we could find under $10 at the Value Village back home, we headed off to Zumanity at New York, New York. Cirque’s most sexualized show is surprisingly ribald, as a cast of topless and scantily clad contortionists, acrobats, singers and dancers entertain an enthusiastic audience.

Absinthe, a limited-run show at Caesars Palace, takes R-rated cabaret to the next level. In the intimate Spiegeltent, a ringmaster and his potty-mouthed sidekick mock the audience as they introduce jaw-dropping acrobatic acts. A phenomenal roller-skating act just about decapitates those unlucky enough to sit in the front row. Absinthe even pokes fun at Cirque du Soleil, with a satirical act that defies belief. Bachelor parties are no place for Celine Dion and The Osmonds, so it’s good to know there are options.

With the thermometer cracking 42 C, chilling out in the afternoon is a physical necessity. But this doesn’t mean the party has to stop. Our group takes a scorching stroll over to Caesars Palace’s Garden of the Gods, where we sprawl around the pool like models in some decadent Roman-era mosaic. We grab ourselves a cabana, with a bottle of vodka and fresh punch, served in containers of solid ice. Our server is dressed in a white string bikini, and vaguely resembles Britney Spears. The Garden of the Gods lets us cool down and flirt harmlessly with beautiful young women who, for some reason, all seem to come from Toronto.